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Submitted on
May 19, 2012
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4 (who?)
She sits alone in her room playing with her toys like a good little girl,

Daddy's good little girl.

Daddy, may I,... may I please go outside?, she asks when Daddy comes to

her room to check on her. It's so hot with the candles burning, and the

window bolted. Daddy says nothing as he opens the window. He leaves her

to her toys, and goes downstairs. There's work to be done, She will have

to amuse herself while he makes her dinner.

He locks the door so she doesn't get into mischief. He can't let her run

like he did so long ago. There's too much that can happen to a good

little girl, to his good little girl.

She cries at the door as he walks away, and he tries his best to ignore

the tears he knows are running down her face. Supper's on, and he sits

wondering how his life had gone so bad. His wife dying as she gave birth

to their only daughter, and leaving him to care for her alone, the boys,

who tried to get their way with his little girl. the mischief she got into

with those boys. He'd had to do what he'd done, locking her in that room,

putting those bars across the window.

Her cries are so much louder tonight, he thinks, half dosing in his chair.

He wonders why as he hears the same old excuses for being let out, Daddy!

The candles! Supper is almost done dear. Please try to be quiet, he says,

and goes back to daydreams of how his life could have been so much better

if his little girl had only listened to him when he'd told her to behave.

Daddy!, he hears her scream. The candles! Please let me out!

I'll bring your supper up to you dear, he calls. He couldn't let her get

the upper hand on him. People would think he was too old, and senile to

care for her, he thinks beginning to smell smoke.

Oh dear, I'm not paying attention. I'm burnin' supper, he says to himself

as her screaming gets louder and louder. Don't make me come up there!

I'll tan your hide!,he hollers as he looks into the pot to see that supper

isn't burning after all.

He goes back to his chair not even wondering where the smoke is coming from

that seems to fill the the stairs, coming into the room. His little girl is

still screaming up there, and he's not gonna go up, and have her get her way.

A good little girl has to know that she can't always get her way.
A bit of area legend.

I edited this breaking it up into paragraphs as a friend here suggested. I think it makes a big difference. What do you think.
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I really enjoyed this. It was very creepy and had an interesting point of view from someone clearly in a state of psychosis. The only critique I really have is that you can see the ending coming and it should, I think, be written to be more of a surprise. Consider not bringing so much attention to the candles (such as noting the heat of them in the beginning or having her mention them at all). Just have the father note that her screams are more frantic than usual, perhaps, so the end is a bigger gut-punch when you realize what's going on :)
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chewyraezen Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
interesting. take your camera when you visit. might be some interesting things in the photos.
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I've heard tell of people getting pics of ghosts out there but never actually saw any of them. The so called Alison's grave near by used to be a particularly good story until someone put up a marker telling the truth of the woman who did not as it turns out die at the tender age of sixteen, beaten to death by her abusive Father from the loss of her head in a plane crash but lived a full and happy life the only true part being that she really did die in a plane crash.
chewyraezen Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh. thanks for the background info.
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist… Here is some more in case you want to write about her.
TheMadMulatto Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I forgot to add that the way the old man's thoughts were cyclic and repetitive...
it was a signal that he wasn't all there.
At first I took it as dramatic writing alone,
but it DID work to the benefit of building a sense of what was going on without "going on" about it.
Tidy little package with a big picture.
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much. I'm happy you liked this. I did quite a bit of, well, I hate to say research because I didn't exactly look it up in the encyclopedia but I did collect everything I could get from people who were into telling stories about the local legends.

I'd never tried this kind of thing before. I'm glad it worked for you.

On a side note the foundation of the house is still out there. I went to visit it once but I didn't have a camera to take pics at the time. I'm hoping I can get out there in the spring if all goes well. This time I'm bringing my camera, My Son, and My Daughter, his wife. It should be a good time taking pics and such and we can make a day of it since the area is a great place to explore. I hope my room mate won't mind watching the little one. There's rattle snakes out there.
TheMadMulatto Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012
Wear high-top sneakers or boots.
You don't want a complication of snake bites, believe me.

(this has been a public service announcement
from your local Emergency Services Representative :ambulance:)

Your roommate seems more than capable of entertaining the babes while you go scouting.
There's something about her image that drives me to be introduced and spend an evening.


Anyway, I hope you guys arrive at a good time to do the photo shoot.
I like to make two trips - if not dozens...
Darkest of dawn to 10:am
and Lightest of Dusk to darkness.

If you want night-ish photos, bring a tri-pod.
Stillness is imperative unless you have a seasoned strangle-hold on the functions of
complicated camera settings.

But anyway, the odder the lighting, the more dramatic the results. :)
But you knew that. ;)
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, I know the deal. News paper ten pages thick wrapped around the legs stuffed in the boots along with the pants leg army style to keep bugs from biting and snakes from getting through the material. My brothers both were in the army and gave me a lot of pointers in that area. :D

The best I can say about Sheran is that she is most definitely a character. She's a close friend. We were at one time an item but she couldn't decide if she wanted to be with guys or girls so we had an open relationship. It got too hard on both of us so we decided we should just be friends and ended up better off for it. She now has a lady partner and is quite happy.

I was out at the crack of dawn this morning. There was a major fog over everything and I had places to go and things to do so I took my camera with me and got some nice shots, I hope. :D
TheMadMulatto Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012
FOG!!! :eager:
That's even better than RAIN!!
Something about water hanging in the air does a great service to picture taking.

Lovely name.
Glad you two made a cooperative decision and were able to save the friendship.
I've known so many people in this very same situation and still do.
The weird thing to my ears is that there has to be a choice made towards one gender or another.

I've had my years of falling in deeply, committedly in love and the stand taken upon gender preference
never mattered to me ~ only always to them.
For me, at least - being asked if I prefer men over women was confusing for me to absorb
and even harder to answer.

Seems that the person I was with had more issues on how things looked in public
or what substitutional plastic devices where better for compensative intimate activities.

The women I've been with had political issues
more than any tendency towards simply love itself.


I continue to learn what motivates people in their decision making
but I always become stumped when having to face the fact that some people
are more grounded to their genetics and
natural instincts
rather than their psychological make-ups and emotions.

Who is in any position to judge?

I never thought to use newspaper! :O_o:
Holy shit, wait 'til I tell the guys at work! :eager:
FollowinTheBlackBird Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think I got a couple of good shots while out there. I'm not sure. I haven't unloaded my camera yet. I'm waiting till I get a few more shots before I do.

Sheran's a kind hearted soul but she seems to thrive on drama. When there is none she will create it for herself. At the moment she's with a woman with whom she'd been "married" before. They recently got back together after a number of years and all in all she seems happy. I like her partner. We get along very well. The only trouble I have with her is that I'm trying to lose weight and she's always bringing me home little treats from work. :D

I wouldn't know what it would be like to be in a relationship with a "straight" woman. I've never been there. For some reason I always ended up with a woman who was bi even when I didn't know it. None of them were ever worried how it would look or even gave a crap what others would think, especially me it seems after a while. I gave up on relationships after Sheran and I broke up simply because it was too hard. I had thought about trying again with my wife a couple of times but never did because I pretty much came to the conclusion that it was a pipe dream. Now days with my health troubles and out right shitty disposition I don't bother. :D

As far as what motivates people when it comes to picking a life time mate. I don't think anyone really looks for a lifetime partner I think it just happens. Suddenly they look back and realize twenty years have gone by and they are still together. By this time they figure what the hell and stay because they've become comfortable with the situation.

I can't remember what it was my brother told me was the reason for this other than it was to form a pocket and barrier against bugs and possibly snakes.
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